Thinking

Now I’m blocked

Now my mind is blocked.  I’ve thought too much.  I’ve read too much.  I’ve given away too much of my attention to things that don’t matter. 

What am I really trying to accomplish by jamming all of this information into my head?

I really don’t know.

I really just want a clear mind.

I really just want to do what comes naturally.

How and where did I get so off base?  When did the notion arise that I need to grind out everything and force create things to be happy.

What am I doing in this house?  Why am I playing golf?  Why in the world did I leave my job in insurance to become a golf coach?  What does all of this mean?

There are so many questions.  Too many to answer all of them with answers that make sense.  The truth is, I don’t really know anymore why or how I’ve ended up where I am.  I definitely could not or would not have written this script.  There’s absolutely no way I could have foreseen the events in my life that have taken place and I’m sure every other human feels the same way. 

So if we’re not in control, then who is?  Or what is?

I’ve been reading a lot about our true nature as conscious beings.  What are we really?  Who are we really?  If we’re not a body, then who and what in the world are we?

This is the question are the questions that I’ve been struggling with.  

Intellectually, I understand that I am the Universe.  That everything happens within me and that is what I see outside of me.  That I am one with the whole and the whole is one with me.  Everything is one and nothing is separate.  I get it…but I don’t get it.  

I don’t feel it deep down.  And I want to feel it.  But therein lies the block.  I know this from my many years of playing golf.  The more I want it, the further it moves away from me.  But who is me?  Does me exist outside of what is going on?

Just play is the answer.  Just play in life and in golf and know that it is playing out exactly as it should.